Of Life, Job and Money
Three months of enjoying life, exploring places in chicago and then now in the bay area, meeting new people, missing old ones, worrying about finding a job and then putting all that aside to read a book or watch tv. That pretty much summarizes my life for the past three months.
It has been a huge change - not just because I moved to a new country, but also because I have never been without a job or an agenda in life. I was either in school/college studying or I was slogging at work. That was pretty much who I was, my whole life, my identity. Suddenly here I am without a job and without a schedule for the day to come. It's exciting and scary at the same time. It has given me an opportunity to try out many things but I think am still chicken enough to not do as many things as I should.
The inevitable blanket question that comes my way every time I meet some one new- "Oh so what do you do?". That question that throws me off balance from a position of control and power in the conversation to a oh-do-i-even-know-what-i-am-talking about. I know that shows a huge lack of confidence in self and reflects negatively. But, thats what it is. It will take some more time to come to terms with that fact. I do hope that I will find something to do in the meantime. Will hopefully find a job by then and make myself useful.
Its a strange situation. I have always prided myself of being able to pay my own bills - not that the husband ever made me. But, just the simple knowledge that I could if I had to was a major ego boost. Yes- ego. Thats what it is. I have ego issues with being without work and without a steady income.
Maybe, soon, I will find a job and find a purpose in life. Maybe, just maybe, I will like being not tied down to a job or a schedule and will take up something more creative (for surely in my line of work creativity isn't a key factor).
The past few days I have been questioning myself to understand what it is that is so important about me having a job. I think as much as I say money doesn't matter. It does boil down to money. I like being independent. Even though being a much loved wife and all that -I still need to know that I can survive on my own.
This break, if nothing, is helping me learn more about myself. Soon, surely, I will discover the meaning of life, universe and everything, or so I hope.
It has been a huge change - not just because I moved to a new country, but also because I have never been without a job or an agenda in life. I was either in school/college studying or I was slogging at work. That was pretty much who I was, my whole life, my identity. Suddenly here I am without a job and without a schedule for the day to come. It's exciting and scary at the same time. It has given me an opportunity to try out many things but I think am still chicken enough to not do as many things as I should.
The inevitable blanket question that comes my way every time I meet some one new- "Oh so what do you do?". That question that throws me off balance from a position of control and power in the conversation to a oh-do-i-even-know-what-i-am-talking about. I know that shows a huge lack of confidence in self and reflects negatively. But, thats what it is. It will take some more time to come to terms with that fact. I do hope that I will find something to do in the meantime. Will hopefully find a job by then and make myself useful.
Its a strange situation. I have always prided myself of being able to pay my own bills - not that the husband ever made me. But, just the simple knowledge that I could if I had to was a major ego boost. Yes- ego. Thats what it is. I have ego issues with being without work and without a steady income.
Maybe, soon, I will find a job and find a purpose in life. Maybe, just maybe, I will like being not tied down to a job or a schedule and will take up something more creative (for surely in my line of work creativity isn't a key factor).
The past few days I have been questioning myself to understand what it is that is so important about me having a job. I think as much as I say money doesn't matter. It does boil down to money. I like being independent. Even though being a much loved wife and all that -I still need to know that I can survive on my own.
This break, if nothing, is helping me learn more about myself. Soon, surely, I will discover the meaning of life, universe and everything, or so I hope.
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